


Kaede Kayano VS Ika Musume

by Madcinder



Series: Rap Battles [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom, 侵略!イカ娘 | Shinryaku! Ika Musume | Squid Girl
Genre: Green vs Blue, Pudding, Rap Battles, Squid Inkvasion of Mankind, Tentacle Fight, puns, seafood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 07:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11732643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madcinder/pseuds/Madcinder
Summary: Who wins? Who's next? You decide.





	Kaede Kayano VS Ika Musume

**Two names are selected from an ever-growing list of now one thousand characters, and the selection is...**

**KAEDE KAYANO**

**VS**

**IKA MUSUME**

**BEGIN!**

**(Squid Girl)**  
_Shinryaku!_  
_Destruction from the waves_  
_Emissary of the sea, so you better behave_  
_I'm here to inkvade, can't wait to sea you cave_  
_The land belongs to me, the aquatic girl brave_  
_Tentacular!_  
_Conqueror of humanity_  
_You don't look afraid, but sucker you'd better be_  
_The oceans comprise most of the world's surface_  
_And babysitting Humans is not its sole purpose_  
_I stand for power, like the unrelenting storm_  
_Had a mind to lick your mathematics since the day I was airborne_  
_Top level inktelligence, they gave me my own show_  
_And I ain't even squidding, mothersucker I glow_  
_Boo!_  
_So you're the assassin for the Squidian overlord?_  
_Please, MIT's top graduates have been leaving me bored_  
_But you Humans are a threat to the natural world_  
_Go ahead, do your worst, green-haired little girl_

 **(Kayano)** _  
Gah! I can't stand it, I need something to throw_  
_I hate stupid people who think they know it all_  
_Your stupid fishy puns definitely need to go_  
_And I'm more than a match for you; your chest's small_  
_That's right! Assassin! Trained to be a killer_  
_I can finally settle down once your kind is all gone_  
_You had twenty-four episodes, but all of them were filler_  
_And every minute of mine was tentacles all along_  
_You want to conquer the world that I am here to save_  
_I'll catch you off guard and make you lose your footing_  
_Can you take a trap door that I'll turn into your grave_  
_Or should I just blow you up in a gigantic pudding_  
_But I shouldn't waste food and waste you and the bait_  
_Leave perfectly good squid lying dead in the ditch_  
_You're alone, after all, I've got assassin classmates_  
_We'll make some ikayaki and feed you to Jelabitch_

 **(Squid Girl)**  
_Wait, you can't eat me! That's against the rules!_  
_You can't eat the contestants in epic rap duels!_

 **(Kayano)**  
_Karma, start up the grill! We're having cephalopod!_  
_Now, you blue-haired wimp, pray to your squid-god!_

 **(Squid Girl)**  
_Dam it, these are tentacles, you pitiful Humans_  
_I'll show you who's in charge, cameras zoom in_  
_See the pinpoint accuracy of my amazing appendages_  
_Eight powerful attacks, and two making shrimp sandwiches_  
_Distance! I can trash a lookout tower a kilometer away_  
_Strength! I can pummel into submission anything any day_  
_Precision! Split a mosquito in half from its tail to its nose_  
_Speed! I can wrap, tangle, and entrap faster than a jet goes_  
 _I claim the authority of the water, to take domain of the land_  
 _Breaking sons of fishes into pieces at the Pacific's command_  
 _This is an all out war, and I'm a squid army of one_  
 _If a catfish had your tongue then this wouldn't be fun_  
 _Total control of my weight, among many other things_  
 _I can take you out with just a slap from one of my hat's wings_  
 _So give me all you got, you pathetic little shrimp_  
 _My fourteen strong limbs will leave your measly four limp_

 **(Kayano)**  
_I don't think you know what you're doing, silly squid_  
_But I'll play along and I'll defeat you all the same_  
_You never had to face the kinds of terrors that I did_  
_Activate my trap and only now reveal my real name_  
_It's Akari Yukimura! Now get it seared into your head_  
_I've taken every piece of advice that Korosensei ever said_  
_You can't question the kind of mental strength I require_  
_To never even say a word with these things burning like a fire_  
_Seeded with my own tentacles that hurt like hell_  
_Both for me and anyone that's ever caught in my path_  
_Mad with this power and a hidden history to tell_  
_I've been waiting for forever so I can unleash my wrath_  
_It's inhuman creatures that put our planet in danger_  
_Mutations or monsters, all just freaks of nature_  
_So now I have a squid and an octopus to destroy_  
_This is where you die! Hold my pudding, boys_


End file.
